Expectations

I recently heard a friend of mine say, "This certainly isn't what I thought my life was going to be like."  She was having some marital problems and was frustrated.  What I wanted to say was, "Well, join the club!"  But that's not what I said.

Frustrated expectations are the grounds of every divorce, separation, split-up, even argument or disagreement.  That's a pretty radical statement, but just think about it.  We all have our own idea about how things should happen. And when our expectations are not met, there is disappointment.  That is life.

Now we can react to these disappointments in different ways.  We can smile, frown, laugh derisively, grit our teeth, scream hysterically, shrug our shoulders, play the martyr, pray, rehash it over and over in our minds, curse, throw something, forgive, take a walk, count to ten, think about an act of violence, or even commit an act of violence.  We choose.  Then we experience the consequences.

In marriage the consequences can be disastrous if the wrong choice is made.  But choose we must.  Because disappointments happen almost daily.  If we're experiencing disastrous consequences, we can also choose to change our choices.  Even if our bad choices have become habits, we can work to change them.  And we can let our spouses know that.

We can also commit ourselves to looking at our disappointments as God's appointments (a concept from Kay Arthur).  He is, after all, sovereign and as such, wants to use all things in our lives - good and bad - to bring about good for us.  Even when we don't get it.  He is faithful to bring good from bad - always.  Even when we don't see it right then.

We can trust Him even when we don't feel like we can trust our spouse - or ourselves.  When we ask for help He always responds.  And for that we can be grateful.


 

Annoyance and Irritation

If there are not times when your spouse annoys and/or irritates you, I question if you're actually breathing.  Ok, so maybe it's just that it's one of my weaknesses, but I think most of us discover that there are things about our spouses that annoy and irritate us - things we may have been totally unaware of before we married. 

The question then becomes - what are you going to do about it?  Are you going to dwell on it, letting your anger and imagination go wild?  Or are you going to remind yourself that there might actually be things about yourself that are annoying and irritating to your spouse?  Over the years, I have discovered that the latter approach is best.

I also like to remind myself of all the wonderful qualities about my spouse - the things that attracted me to him in the first place.  Somehow, it's easy to let those become lost in a river of discontent.  It all has to do with attitude.  I can have an attitude of gratitude for the good things or an attitude of ungratefulness, disappointment, and self-absorption.  We get to choose.

As one who has experienced both attitudes, may I assure you that life is sweeter when we focus on the positive and commit the rest to the only One Who can do anything about it!

Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brethren, whatever is good, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things."