Expectations

I recently heard a friend of mine say, "This certainly isn't what I thought my life was going to be like."  She was having some marital problems and was frustrated.  What I wanted to say was, "Well, join the club!"  But that's not what I said.

Frustrated expectations are the grounds of every divorce, separation, split-up, even argument or disagreement.  That's a pretty radical statement, but just think about it.  We all have our own idea about how things should happen. And when our expectations are not met, there is disappointment.  That is life.

Now we can react to these disappointments in different ways.  We can smile, frown, laugh derisively, grit our teeth, scream hysterically, shrug our shoulders, play the martyr, pray, rehash it over and over in our minds, curse, throw something, forgive, take a walk, count to ten, think about an act of violence, or even commit an act of violence.  We choose.  Then we experience the consequences.

In marriage the consequences can be disastrous if the wrong choice is made.  But choose we must.  Because disappointments happen almost daily.  If we're experiencing disastrous consequences, we can also choose to change our choices.  Even if our bad choices have become habits, we can work to change them.  And we can let our spouses know that.

We can also commit ourselves to looking at our disappointments as God's appointments (a concept from Kay Arthur).  He is, after all, sovereign and as such, wants to use all things in our lives - good and bad - to bring about good for us.  Even when we don't get it.  He is faithful to bring good from bad - always.  Even when we don't see it right then.

We can trust Him even when we don't feel like we can trust our spouse - or ourselves.  When we ask for help He always responds.  And for that we can be grateful.